Since 1983 [High School] -2000 [12 years ago] I’m like any other straight guy, I want to date a woman. once 1998 came around I had put myself away from TV and by 2003 I look back of all the women I was hoping to date I came aware that I wasn’t looking in the right way. neither of them were suitable for me. It was difficult though from 1990-1998 while unemployed and no benefits whatsoever from the government. How could any women want to date a guy who has no income, unless she’s a single woman with no children. I’m a plain-looking [kind of cute] guy, so I didn’t waste my time on the good-looking ones, just the plain Janes.

   From 2003-2009 with a job[from 1998-2009] 2006, 2007, and 2008 full-time only came temporary in the summer. I did mention to several women that had more of the same awareness and feeling on subjects and same ideas. Although nothing happened with anyone of them. i know there’s plenty of them out there eventually one could be interested, so I kept going.

   Then 2008 came along  and I see this woman at one of two coffee houses that I frequent. Although I wasn’t too interested, only that she was much older than the H.S. and college girls I’m not interested in. They are too young. I have preference of 7 years from age. Although didn’t know much, it could be an interest. Got to know a little in 2009, yet I believe she was in a relationship, but not sure.There was an older man near her age I’ve never seen before until I saw her working there.I find out she was the new owner. Eventually in 2010 the coffee-house closed so she can work full-time on her farm in Cambridge, N.Y.. It seems she was single in 2010. 2011 it came apparent we have a lot in common.

    Then it was 2009 I met another woman, the most attractive woman I ever met, since I stayed away from most of the media I’m not talking about the good looks they flaunt the masses as what is consider good-looking. It’s a different look completely. Wasn’t also in 2010 this second woman I begin to know a little about. It seems we wound up in a lot of places throughout the year, making it seems we have a lot of interests. Then in 2011 more interests came.

    Although I had several other women as interest in 2009 my financial stability to date someone with not a great amount of income for two people, I could not ask any out unless she did have a big enough income for two or a family of three. But I’m not sure of my plain look that those women who had the money would go for me. Yet I didn’t find any of them to be suitable for me. All the others besides these 2 women that seemed suitable 2003-2009 they weren’t definite. The other two were a little more to be the more suitable. But wasn’t definite about these 2 until it was 2011 April or May that I knew the same awareness and feelings and ideas of many subject matter. Also have plenty enough interests giving me they were a sure thing. The only problem either to find a job in Cambridge, N.Y. or one near the  Glens Falls area to order to ask either one out . Because I wanted bring some financial stability into the relationship. Yet still no income. especially the time I finally found 2 suitable women after 38 years of searching. Most likely of all the jobs around not much out in Cambridge than around in Glens Falls. The woman in Glens Falls would be the most likely candidate since it looks more promising a job would be presented to me in Glens Falls.

    I don’t care much about whether or not if I can sell my art, especially if I have a job. But, it would be nice since no income. I find several more things about the second. She some interests of couple of major bands I wouldn’t mind wasting money on. I only have interest in maybe 5-6  of them, I’d rather listen to local/original[independent bands/musicians] She has interest in Primus and Nine Inch Nails. I also noticed something I’ve always wanted to do is to ski. Cross-country I prefer but when snowboards started to come around they fascinated me. And that’s just an extra interest.

   We had fun painting a set together. She also asked me to help her with another project which I’m not sure what happened to, but I would have enjoyed to do it with her. most every time she’s in my presence I would usually make her my focal point. But knowing I have known income it’s difficult to ask her out with no financial stability. It turns out she’s been dating lately with another plain-looking man. Making me believe I could have had a chance with her, the odds would have stacked in my favor. It burns me up inside not knowing she might have said yes to me.

   Is it too much to ask for a $200 a week income? We could add $30 extra for food, $2 to spend on the town or elsewhere then $150 checking/savings. Apparently my aspirations are too high. I’m not sure that small amount would get me yes, but at least I got a oppurtunity to ask her even if she said no, I wouldn’t be this depressed. I’d move to a new one. Hoping she could be suitable for me. Even if I wind up with a 6 figure income I’d rather spend it with her. I wanted to be the one to make her happy.

  I’m not saying he’s not suitable, but I’d like to have the opportunity to be able to ask her when I had the financial stability and to know she was suitable. I did want to ask her, just the financial stability would be a big problem. I have listened to women and have had me change enough to be right man for the wishes they want out if man. There’s not much men it seems that this type. Yet unfortunately I’m not able to show a woman I’m considerate, respect, can compromise, and give the emotional support they need.

  If i did get a 6 figure income or somehow millions I would give it all up if I could go back and have a job with the least of money per week she would except as an income to be in a relationship with her. I can be attentive and be honest in a conversation with one of these women. Both of us has enough concerns that are important to us. We have enough interests and a diverse leisure activity to keep the relationship interesting. We enough of the same point of views would also keep the relationship strong. It seems to me I’m always at a disadvantage on all the circumstances that occurs in my life. If I do get a job its a good thing, but it came at the wrong time. Like 3-4 months too late. When I do get some income and these two are still in a relationship I’ll be depressed. the longer they’re together the depressed I’ll get. I can wait to see if they break up. But, when is that 25- 30 years from now. I don’t want to wait that long. I want to leave this unfortunate life I have. Always at a disadvantage.